No, really. Let’s. If love makes the world go ‘round, and sex keeps love alive, and everyone loves sex, then what the heck is the problem?
That’s what Esther Perel, a New York-based erotic intelligence expert and couples/family therapist, set to find out with her enlightening book, Mating in Captivity (Harper, 2007).
In the book, Perel dives deep into the issues plaguing relationships by exploring hardships facing real couples—heterosexual and gay, both with and without children. From the death of passion due to parenthood to lusting for separateness and incompatible intimacy issues, Perel exposes what challenges the unity of intimacy, love, and sex. Page by page, we couldn’t help but look inward, challenging ourselves to look at the conflict and compatibility between our own love and desire in a whole new light. After all, sex, she suggests, isn’t a mere act, rather, it's “a place we go"; a journey.
The take-away message in Mating in Captivity is clear, inspired by the very reason Perel wrote the book. “I wanted to capture the intricacies and the breakdown of desire,” she said, “And the paradoxical relation between domesticity and eroticism.” In other words, the things we long for—emotional closeness, trust, and sexual equality and security—don’t go hand-in-hand with the raw and uninhibited desire we crave at the core.
So, what to do? We suggest getting busy—reading this book, that is (and watching Perel's insightful video chat with sexpert Cindy Gallop, above).
To step outside oneself and constructively criticize bedroom skills is a tough bridge to cross because, well…it’s personal. And hard. (No pun intended). However, the remedy, found in this eye-opening read, is simple: It’s time to “kick egalitarian ideals and emotional housekeeping out of our bedrooms."
Can we get an Amen?
Buy Mating in Captivity on Amazon.com
from New York City, NY